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Date Posted |
Forum
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RE: College football......
Boomer Sooners
Go OU
Watch for us in the Nationals.
OU will lose in the Big 12 Championship game.
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Kodiak Maniac
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10/01/08 06:01am |
Open Forum
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Quote for today
Quote for today:
'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'
So - if you give her crap,
you will receive more $hit than any one human being can handle.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/30/08 09:55am |
Open Forum
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RE: College football......
HOW ABOUT THAT CHOKE BY USC!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And Florida, Georgia, and Wisconsin.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/29/08 10:32am |
Open Forum
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RE: Blair Morgan...
http://news.google.com/news?hl=en&q=blair+morgan&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=news_result&resnum=1&ct=title
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/25/08 01:25pm |
Open Forum
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RE: Fox Terrier
KM what are you doing celebrating Thanksgiving in September?
I figured it would get me a month closer to getting arid of that damn LSU logo in my signature.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/25/08 01:21pm |
Open Forum
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'Obama in '08'
The other day I went downtown to run a few errands. I went into the
local coffee shop for a snack. I was only there for about 5 minutes,
and when I came out, there was this cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. His insensitivity annoyed me, so I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and then wrote out another ticket for having worn tires. So I proceeded to call him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket when I called him a moron in blue. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I talked back to him the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, I didn't really care. I came downtown on the bus, and the
car that he was putting the tickets on had one of those bumper stickers that said, 'Obama in '08.' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. The doctor tells me that it's important to my health!
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/25/08 05:31am |
Open Forum
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Fox Terrier
We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the summer of 2001 from the fox terrier rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom you know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get without actually performing a French kiss on me.
Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,' I should tell you that Perry and I tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I
digress.
Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house. Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that I like more than family most of the time. I was assigned the task of preparing 124 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked, thus the assignment.
I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening to reheat Thurs am. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put the rolls on baking sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours
Perry and I decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour. The rolls were ready to go in the oven.
It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my worst nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to give him Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night.
God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than my kids did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto the bed for the night .
We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline in our back yard he couldn't stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another few seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk.
He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day.
My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk(124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car between Perry and me, we took off. Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.
Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old adage goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog's digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a mixed blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor.
This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so we took him home and dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house.
I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. I am also happy to report that just this evening I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing research on the computer as to how to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.
And how was *your* day?
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/24/08 02:51pm |
Open Forum
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Women Drivers
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a Woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 75 mph With her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds! And when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the darn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call. Darn women drivers!!
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/24/08 02:48pm |
Open Forum
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RE: Obama goes to the doctor
LMAO!!!
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/24/08 02:33pm |
Fight Club
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RE: College football......
I need to get you a less-gay LSU icon
Quit your whining. At least I held up my end of the bargain. :B
I almost used Calvin.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/24/08 10:43am |
Open Forum
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RE: College football......
Bama is looking good. However Florida has started to turn it up a notch. The SEC could be a very interesting conference to watch this year.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/22/08 04:39am |
Open Forum
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RE: my b-day!
Happy Birthday!!!
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/21/08 01:50pm |
Open Forum
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Memory
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering
wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She
got in the back-seat by mistake.'
______________________________________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night
the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She
starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get
that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help
both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'
______________________________________________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
______________________________________________________________________
LITTLE LADY:
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
______________________________________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS:
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long
time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
______________________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
______________________________________________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing
it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few
more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat
was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next
intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know
that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/20/08 06:49am |
Open Forum
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Columbo
For those of you who remember the Christopher Columbo movies you will understand this more. For those of you who don't you should still understand it. :B
Columbo questioning
--------------------
Columbo still scratching his head.
Ah . . Sorry to bother you Mr. Obama, Sir
Excuse me Mr. Obama, I mean Senator Obama, sir. Um . . . know you are busy and important and stuff. I mean running for president is very important and
. . . ah . . . I hate to bother you. I will only take a minute ok, sir?
See, I have these missing pieces that are holding me up, and I was
wondering sir, if you could take time out of your busy schedule and help me out. You know, no big deal, just some loose ends and things.
Hey, you have a nice place here! The wife sees houses like this on TV all the time and says boy she wishes she had digs like this you know? Is that painting real? Really? Wow. I saw something like that in a museum once!
Oh, sorry sir. I didn't mean to get off the track. So if you could just help me out a minute and give me some details, I will get right out of your way. I want to close this case and maybe take the wife to Coney Island or something. Ever been to Coney Island ? No, I didn't think so. .
Well, listen, anyways, I can't seem to get some information I need to wrap this up. These things seem to either be "locked" or "not available'. I'm sure it's just some oversight or glitch or something, so if you could you tell me where these things are . . . I . I . . have them written down here somewhere . . . oh wait. Sorry about the smears. It was raining out. I'll just read it to you.
Could you help me please find these things, sir?
1. Occidental College records -- Not released
2. Columbia College records -- Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper -- "not available"
4. Harvard College records -- Not released
5. Selective Service Registration -- Not released
6. Medical records -- Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule -- "not available"
8. Law practice client list -- Not released
9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate -- Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth -- Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published -- None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles -- None
13. Your Record of baptism-- Not released or "not available"
14. Your Illinois State Senate records--"not available"
Oh hey . listen! I know you are busy! Is this too much for you now? I mean tell you what. I will come back tomorrow. Give you some time to get these things together, you know? I mean, I know you are busy, so I will just let myself out. I will be back tomorrow "Who wants to know these things?" asked Senator Obama.
Columbo answered: THE PEOPLE
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/20/08 06:37am |
Open Forum
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RE: College football......
LSU at Auburn this weekend!
That could be a good game to watch.
It should be a good week for Nebraska. They are idle.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/19/08 02:33pm |
Open Forum
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RE: New YFZ450R!!!!!!!! Fuel Injection, MX width, alum frame...
So unless I am going to race MX this machine is totally wrong for me. So why would Yamaha put it on the market? Why not sell it only to the race teams?
The AMA (though I race ATVs, I race under an AMA number as I also own a motorcycle and like the AMA benifits on that side) and the ATVA have reported pretty stable growth, year over year, for the last several years in ATV MX competition participation. With the number of amature level riders increasing and ATV sales each year, the OEMs are recognizing that and catering to it.
It only makes sence for them to provide machines that get the rider even closer to what it takes to be competitve, without the addition of aftermarket parts. Yamaha first started catering to this market when they came out with their GYTR line of aftermarket parts. Why let the "aftermarket companies" make the money??
It's just like streetbikes - - Some like cruisers, some like sportbikes. Depends on what kind of riding you're into.
Na' Hollywood, he was getting at me cuz he thought I was trying to tell him shouldn't by a purpose built MX quad. Though thats not what I was getting at, but you are right, the sport is growing pretty rapidly and the best way to help that is provide machine they can be raced for less money. Most these new MX version will probably be just a shock rebuild and pipe away from being an extremely potent MX'r
Hodge definetly deserves it, and he know we all like him, just thatit's too easy considering he's a Canuck with a tendancy to over exagerate *sp
Actually his explanation of why they are doing it makes sense. I have no interest in buying one. Although I like them.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/19/08 02:17pm |
Sport/Performance
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RE: New YFZ450R!!!!!!!! Fuel Injection, MX width, alum frame...
Even without reverse it will be considerably lighter than your Kodiak, unless you're considering starting a career in MX, I'd bet a standard YFZ would fit you perfectly, and I would bet it will be adopting many of the styling and EFI that this one has.. . . . You should DEW IT maniac!
So unless I am going to race MX this machine is totally wrong for me. So why would Yamaha put it on the market? Why not sell it only to the race teams?
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/19/08 12:44pm |
Sport/Performance
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RE: Consider this some free information
Just think each time you shake that guys hand he may have touched something you don't care to.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/19/08 12:36pm |
Open Forum
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Can I Borrow $25?
Can I Borrow $25?
A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his
5-year old son waiting for him at the door.
SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.
SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a
thing?' the man said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make
an hour?'
DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'
The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so
you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolity's.' The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little
boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to
think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to
the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' He asked. 'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.' The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
'Oh, thank you daddy!' He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow
he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry
again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father. 'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled. Because I didn't have enough, but now I
do,'the little boy replied. 'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.' The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let
time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & and; friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
From my house to yours The light of God surrounds us.
The love of God enfolds us.
The power of God protects us.
The presence of God watches over us.
Wherever we are God is and all is well.'
From my home to yours - enjoy.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/19/08 08:18am |
Open Forum
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RE: New YFZ450R!!!!!!!! Fuel Injection, MX width, alum frame...
Yesterday I stopped in our local Yamaha dealer and was talking to him about this machine. He asked me in one word how I would describe it. I said, "mean". It is a mean machine. Now I will admit I don't know much about Sport atv's but this is one I would probably buy if I could. I just like almost everything about it. From its look on. The only thing I don't like is its weight. It could be a little lighter.
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Kodiak Maniac
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09/19/08 07:59am |
Sport/Performance
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